Heartsong
by purplepagoda
Summary: How long will Bay have to deal with the aftermath of what happened between her, and Tank? Will she ever be able to move on?
1. Late

She stands in the doorway of her sister's room. The room is illuminated by a single bulb from a lamp sitting on the bedside stand. She clears her throat, but the lump lying beneath the covers doesn't move. She doesn't even acknowledge her presence. Daphne takes a deep breath, and crosses the threshold. She closes the door, and crosses the room. She peels the covers away from their resting spot against Bay's face.

She climbs into the bed on top of the covers. Bay just looks at her in silence. Daphne reaches out, and takes her hand. She squeezes it, reassuring her that she's here for her. She sighs, and decides that it is time to give her sister a tiny nudge.

"Bay you have to leave this room at some point."

"I have."

"You have barely moved in days. I am worried about you," Daphne explains.

"I know."

"I thought that you were starting to feel better."

"I was."

"What happened?"

She kicks the covers off her body, and shifts into a sitting position. She leans against the headboard. She draws her knees to her chest.

"Bay it's been over a month. You've barely left this house in the last six weeks since all of this happened. You need to get out of the house."

"I do."

"You have to do more than just go to community service. Bay you have shut yourself off from the entire world. That isn't okay. You barely say two words to any of us. You hardly leave this room. We can barely get you to eat. Bay I know that this has caused you to question everything that you know, but you can't just give up on life. You have to move on."

"I don't know how to move on. I don't know if I can ever move on. I wouldn't know where to start."

"At the beginning," Daphne suggests.

"That is easier said than done."

"Maybe you should try working on your painting. I think it would be…"

"I get that it can be therapeutic, but right now I the only color I want to use is black. I feel as if I have been sucked into this big black hole that I am never going to be able to climb out of."

"You can't do it alone. Let us help you."

"You can't help me," she insists on the verge of tears, "No one can help me."

"Why would you even say that?"

"Because it's true," her voice cracks as the tears start to flow from her eyes.

Daphne looks to her right. She doesn't see any tissues on the bedside stand.

"Bay where are the tissues?"

"I used them all."

"Okay," Daphne nods as she slides out of the bed. She heads into the bathroom, and flips on the light. She heads to the counter, but there aren't any tissues. As she stares at the surface of the counter her heart sinks. She takes a deep breath.

"Bay come in here!"

Fully aware that Daphne can't hear her protest. She sighs heavily, and crawls out of bed. She joins Daphne in the bathroom. Daphne sits on a rug on the bathroom floor, in front of the cabinet, with her legs stretched out in front of her. Bay doesn't say a word. She lowers herself onto the floor. She lies down on the cold floor on her side. She lays her head in Daphne's lap. Daphne runs her fingers through her hair.

"Bay say something," she begs.

Bay doesn't respond. Daphne reaches for the unopened box sitting next to her.

"Bay," she repeats.

Bay shifts into a sitting position. She draws her knees to her chest, and sits close to her sister's side. Daphne reaches her arm around her shoulder, and hugs her tightly.

"Bay why didn't you tell me?"

"It isn't exactly an easy topic of conversation."

"You should have said something," Daphne insists.

"And then what? What would you do? You can't do anything about it. You can't take back the past. You can't erase what happened. I screwed up, and now…" she trails off.

"This was not your fault."

Bay shakes her head, "And right now it doesn't really matter whose fault it was."

"When did you buy this?" Daphne questions as she holds out the box.

"About a week ago."

"What made you buy it? Please tell me that it is just some unreasonable paranoia," Daphne begs.

"It's not," she shakes her head.

"Are you sure?"

"Do you think that this is what I wanted? Do you think that I wanted any of this? I don't. I wish that I could take it all back."

"Please answer my question," Daphne begs.

"I thought that it was all just in my head at first. You know? I mean I have had so much anxiety that it only makes sense that I feel completely nauseated. Then I was late. At first I convinced myself that it was just because I was under so much stress. I thought that if I just waited it would come."

"It didn't?"

"By the time that I realized how long I had waited I realized that I completely missed my period, twice," she swallows hard.

"Bay are you sure? Maybe you are just stressed…"

Bay cuts her off, "I don't think so."

"Why haven't you taken it, yet?"

"I'm scared. What am I going to do if the test comes out positive? How am I supposed to make that kind of life changing decision? We are eighteen years old. I have no idea what I want for my life."

"You're never going to know if you don't take this test," Daphne points out.

"You're right," she nods in agreement.

"I'll stay right here, and wait with you if you want."

"Okay."

Bay vacates her seat on the floor. Daphne turns herself towards the door so that Bay can have some semblance of privacy. As she faces the door she curses herself for not being able to hear. She feels the vibration of the plumbing as the toilet flushes. Bay appears next to her. She hands her the box as she takes a seat next to her on the floor.

"It takes three minutes," Daphne informs her.


	2. Results

Daphne sits next to Bay who wears a pair of navy blue pajamas. She reaches over, and squeezes her hand. They stare in silence at the plastic stick lying between them on the floor. It lies face down. Daphne's phone lies on her lap. It begins to vibrate. She looks over at Bay.

"Time is up," she reveals.

"Will you look? I can't."

"Okay," Daphne agrees.

Bay looks away, and Daphne flips the plastic stick over. She feels her pulse quicken as she looks at the digital read out. Damn technological advances! There is no way to misread a test that simply says pregnant, or not pregnant. She swallows hard, and feels as if she might cry. She takes a deep breath, and puts on a brave face.

"Bay."

Bay turns towards her. Daphne holds the stick in her hand.

"What does it say?"

"I'm so sorry," she apologizes as she holds out the pregnancy test.

Bay stares at the test in disbelief. She knows that it isn't an error. The nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach has been telling her this would be the result, for weeks now.

"What am I supposed to do? I can't do this. I don't want this. I just want things to go back to the way that they were before all of this happened. I want my life back."

"I know."

"I can't have a baby," she begins to cry.

"You don't have to. No one has to know about this, okay? I am not going to tell anyone, and you don't have to either. It never has to leave this room. If you don't want this then you can put an end to it. I will call and make you an appointment. You can put all of this behind you. Okay? Bay nobody ever has to know."

She swallows hard, "But I will know."

"Talk to me," Daphne begs.

"I didn't want this. I didn't ask for this. I was stupid. I drank too much, and put myself in a terrible situation."

"You did not consent. You never said yes."

"What kind of person am I if…"

Daphne shakes her head, and cuts her off, "What kind of person would you be if you knowingly had a child that you never wanted? What kind of life would that be for them, knowing that you never wanted them? That wouldn't be fair to it, or to you. You can't martyr yourself for this. You never asked for this. You never wanted this. You are eighteen years old, and you never considered having to raise a child before you've even decided what you wanted for your life."

"I know all of that, but it doesn't make it any easier."

"None of it is ever going to be easy. No matter what choices you make, it will never be easy. You can only do what is best for you."

"I don't want this baby. I don't want to be a parent. I can't do this."

"That's okay. You don't have to."

* * *

That night she climbs into her bed feeling completely numb. She sleeps through breakfast. After breakfast she drags herself into the shower, and pulls on some clothes. She heads off to community service knowing that she won't be able to keep her mind from wondering to the situation at hand.

Kathryn grabs a trash bag out from underneath the kitchen sink. She heads through the first level of the house emptying the trashcans in the bathrooms since the next day is trash day. She heads upstairs and empties the can in her bathroom, and the guest bathroom. She heads into Bay's room, and tosses the pile of tissues on the floor into her bag. She heads into the bathroom, and lifts the trashcan off the floor. She freezes before she can dump the contents into the trash bag. She takes a deep breath as she lays eyes on the opened box. Her heart skips a beat as she stares at the pregnancy test box. She grabs a piece of toilet paper off the roll, and reaches inside the box.

She drops the can on the floor, next to the trash bag. She leans against the door frame for support as she stares at the positive test. She hears footsteps, and turns around to find Bay staring at her.

"Mom what are you doing in here?"

She can't find any words to answer.

"Mom!"

She swallows hard, "I came to empty your trash can. Tomorrow is trash day."

"So you decided to dig through my trash?"

"No. Bay that wasn't my intention. I just…"

"Please just go," Bay begs.

Kathryn tosses the plastic stick back into the garbage. She shakes her head.

"No."

"Mom, please," she insists.

"I want to talk about this."

"Talk about what? There is nothing to talk about. I am not going to have this conversation with you. I already know what you're going to say, and…"

"You have absolutely no idea what I am about to say," Kathryn corrects her.

"You think that…"

Kathryn cuts her off, "I want you to know that I will support any decision that you make."

"You say that now, but…"

"I mean it."

"I am not going to go through with it. I can't have a baby. I am not ready for something like this. I have an appointment tomorrow to…" she swallows hard, and lowers her voice, "terminate."

Kathryn steps out of the bathroom, and hugs her daughter tightly. Bay eventually wriggles free.

"I know that you don't agree…"

"I think that you're doing what is best for you. It is the right decision."

"You do?"

"You shouldn't have to go through any of this."


End file.
